Review: "Bubba and the Cosmic Blood-Suckers" by Joe R. Lansdale

For some reason, total absurdity piques my interest almost every time, so I couldn’t resist Joe R. Lansdale’s “Bubba and the Cosmic Blood-Suckers” ($40, Subterranean Press). I was, of course, familiar with Lansdale’s other tale of monster hunter Elvis, “Bubba Ho-Tep,” from the movie starring Bruce Campbell. Even if I hadn’t been, though, there would have been no way I could pass up the title or description of this book.

“Bubba and the Cosmic Blood Suckers” is a prequel to “Bubba Ho-Tep,” with an aging early 1970s Elvis beginning to lament his choices to make cheesy films instead of focusing more on his music. Part of the reason for that choice, though, is his other occupation as a monster hunter for a secret government organization.

Elvis has been coerced into the role by Colonel Parker, his ruthless manager in more than one business for the purpose of this story. The Colonel holds Elvis’ mother’s soul in a gris-gris bag, keeping her from passing over to the other side and using her to blackmail The King into killing monsters.

Random Rants: Questing for the Dark Tower ... in a Lincoln

I tried writing movie reviews for a while, but gave it up because I’m not really a cinephile. Every now and then, though, I see something so good or so dreadful that I just have to comment.

If you’ve read anything about the adaptation of Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower,” I’m guessing you don’t have to wonder long which category this falls in.

I used to dread movie versions of favorite books, but I have to admit that, in recent years, Hollywood has done a better job of it. Beginning, I think, with Peter Jackson’s adaptation of “The Lord of the Rings” (we won’t talk about the hot mess that he turned “The Hobbit” into), movie and TV versions started to get more right and less wrong, at least on occasion. Most adaptations still won’t please hardcore book fans, but they’re better. So, I was actually looking forward to this, despite my misgivings.

Review: "Faithless" by Graham Austin-King

Normally I wait until finalists in the Self-Published Fantasy Blog Off have been announced before I start reading, but Graham Austin-King’s “Faithless” managed to catch my attention. I now have an early favorite.

Raised on a farm, Wynn finds himself sold into service to the church of the Forgefather after a drought ruins his family’s fortunes. But the church is a broken thing. Their god has abandoned them, and the last remaining remnants of the faith hide in their temple hoping for a miracle and his return.

Wynn soon learns that “service to the church” actually means backbreaking work in the mines of Aspiration, below the temple. It’s a grimy place, at least the part Wynn experiences, where workers often have to defend their finds from other crews and are expected to make their monthly tally or face the lash. Though the church tries to provide hope that the residents of Aspiration can rise to Novice and enter the temple, only a very lucky few actually pass the test, but Wynn may get that opportunity.

Kharios is one of those lucky few, but discovers that life in the temple, while better than in Aspiration, is certainly not much easier. He’s chosen by a surly but powerful priest named Ossan, who drives his novices hard and has a habit of bringing them to his bed. Kharios will have to make some unpleasant choices if he is to move up, but Ossan seems impossible to escape.

Review: "Red Sister" by Mark Lawrence

It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size.

If you’ve heard anything about Mark Lawrence’s latest book, “Red Sister” ($27, Ace), you’ve probably seen that line. The reason that you’re seeing it so much, and that I’m repeating it here, is because it sets the tone for the book and tells you that you’re in for a very interesting ride.

After an incident in her home village, Nona Grey’s mother and neighbors give her to the child-taker, a man who collects children that may have special talents to sell them to the places that look for those abilities. She shows traces of Hunska heritage – one of the four great tribes of Abeth’s past – which makes her potentially valuable as a warrior and lands her at a training facility for gladiators. But after another incident, she finds herself in prison and scheduled to hang. At the last minute, the Abbess of the local convent intervenes, saving Nona at the cost of making an enemy of the powerful lord that sent her to the gallows.

Once at the Sweet Mercy convent, Nona shows exceptional speed and fighting skills and quickly begins her training to become a Red Sister, the warrior sect of the nuns. In order to become what she’s meant to be, though, she’ll have to fight off enemies both outside and within the walls of her new home.